Student Teaching, Hopes, and Dreams for the Future

I can't believe that in a little over a week I will finally be graduating from college with my FINAL degree. It is hard to believe that I have been in school for 8 1/2 years (yes, I know it is a long time). I have had a roller coaster ride through college to say the least. I have had my good times and my bad. I have tried to remain positive, yet at times it seemed near impossible. I have struggled to find my place and fit in. 
I feel in a sense I am in my in between phase of life. I am not really college age anymore and struggle to fit in with that group. I am not married or have children so I don't fit in with that group either. So going through school was a little harder for me and I have lost sight of who I am. 
I also am having mixed feelings about graduating. I am excited beyond belief and am proud of what I have accomplished, but at the same time I am terrified. I question and over analyze myself daily. Am I going to be a good teacher? Will I make it? What if I can't find a teaching job?  etc. Again I say it is a constant internal struggle. 
I can say without a doubt that I have had one of the best support systems anyone could ask for. I have had people by my side who have really helped shape me into the person that I am today. 
As a teacher I honestly owe my knowledge to two people: Jacque and Lisa. Both of them have shown me the true meaning of the word Teacher, they have shown me how to be an effective teacher, and most importantly they have shown me how to have a passion for teaching. I have can honestly say that I would not change a thing from my student teaching and internship experiences. 
I have learned so much and consider it such a blessing to have had the privilege to work with Lisa and Jacque. I know that God had a purpose for putting me with these ladies, and am so happy to have gained two great role models and friends. Not to mention the several other friendships I have made along the way. I also have been so blessed by the school that I am in now. I got placed in such a loving, fun, Christian classroom. Trusty, Lisa, Pam, Brenda, Sarah you have no idea the impact you have made on my life and I will never be able to repay you for the learning experiences you have provided. What an incredible experience this has been!! You ladies are one of a kind and I will never ever forget you! If I am half the teacher that these ladies are I will consider myself to be so so blessed.

As my student teaching comes to a close and graduation is 10 days away I have realized that for the first time in a long time I kinda feel lost. I fear the unknown and the stepping out of a routine and not knowing what will happen next. I am so unbelievably sad to be leaving these kids and the school that I am at, and I literally cry just thinking about it. I don't know what I will do with myself after next week.

 
 

Student Teaching and all that fun stuff

It's been a long time since I have sat down to write. So on this rainy Saturday morning I decided that today is a good day to catch up in my blog. So this semester I started student teaching, it has been an experience for sure! I have been extremely blessed to end up where I am. I was terrified to start student teaching at a new school, with a new teacher, and in middle school no less. I went in thinking I just have to get through this semester of student teaching and then I can go into general ed and be finished with this whole deaf ed thing because of the bad taste Tech put in my mouth.
But then...
The first day of school happened. I was quickly reminded why I chose deaf ed to begin with. I was extremely blessed to get placed with the teacher that I was placed with. She is super knowledgeable, a phenomenal teacher, and very down to earth. Not to mention the other lovely ladies that make up the deaf ed team. I quickly realized that I did indeed pick the correct profession and I was where I had wanted to be. I have had many great experiences and some not so great and have even shed some tears. There are things in the system that do not make sense to me as to how that can be best for our kids, and that frustrates me. I've been frustrated and disappointed in myself for things that I would try to do and then can't. Anyone who knows me I strive to be great at anything I do and to continuously not be able to do something frustrates me.
At the end of the day I can look back and see that I did learn things whether it be how to do something better, or how to not something. I enjoy student teaching, I enjoy where I am, who I am with, and what I am doing. I am super excited to see where things are going and what's ahead. For now I will take the good and the not so good and be thankful that I am where I was placed where I am. God has a plan put in action and so it must be good :)

Counting my blessings...

For the longest time I have had a problem with being content. I always went looking for more and was never satisfied with what God had given me. Through a lot of soul searching, bible study, and prayer I have become content with life and see things from an entirely different perspective. I know face each day as a gift and not just another day. It is clear to me that each day is a gift that can be gone in a moment. There are many things I am thankful for:


I am thankful that I have the ability to worship God without fear of death or prosecution
I am thankful that we serve a forgiving and merciful God and that He is full of love
I am thankful for having a loving family and amazing friends
I am thankful for my Church family who encourages me daily
I am thankful for my first graders and the lessons they have taught me and continue to teach me
I am thankful for my mentor teacher who takes time out of her day to teach me and who pushes me to be a better person and a better teacher
I am thankful for the doors God has closed for my own good and for the doors He opens for me


God is good all of the time and there is nothing I can not face with him next to me.


I say all of this to say, when life seems like there is no way that it can get better just let go and let god have it and take care of it. God knows what is best for us and knows our every thought and every burden we bear.


2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.


1 Peter 5:6-11 6Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

The Girl That No One Sees

The girl that no one sees hides behind a happy, pulled together, and determined person
but behind it all is a very lost, confused, and a girl who is falling apart
The girl that no one sees has been hurt deeply by someone who was once very close to her
the person has no idea the things she has put her through and continues to do
The girl that no one sees is so scared of her future that she dreads the months to come
she fears that everything will come crashing down around her
The girl that no one sees is lonely even with people around her
she tries to fit in and be happy but it is hard and she withdraws from people
The girl that no one sees cries herself to sleep every night for reasons she herself cant even begin to explain.
She doesn't like to try to explain her problems because it is a sign of weakness
The girl that no one sees struggles with self esteem and has a hard time viewing herself as someone of value and worth
she has a hard time seeing the good things but has no problem seeing the bad
The girl that no one sees tries so hard to be someone that someone will love but falls short daily
how can someone love someone who cant love themselves first
The girl that no one sees tries to be a good friend
but finds herself failing at that daily
The girl that no one sees wants to be appreciated for things that people notice and not pushed aside
she gets taken advantage of by many but cat stand up for herself for fear of being disliked
The girl that no one sees feels unworthy
she cant see how things can ever be ok again


but the girl that no one sees has a heart full of love that she loves to share
she is a friend that some may take for granted but she is faithful and always will be
she keeps secrets and loves unconditionally
she cries but pushes through the pain
she is weak but she doesn't show it
she is stubborn because she cant quit
she strives for perfection so she doesn't let others down
she never says no because to her it shows a lack of generosity
she loves God and people test her faith daily
she is lost and is waiting to be found
she will fight because that is all she has left
she is on the verge of quitting but she will let too many people down


The girl that no one sees has feelings and knows pain


The girl that no one sees is me.....

Fabulous Times in the First Grade

So those of you who know me know that back when I was younger I swore up and down that I would NEVER EVER become a teacher. I can't really tell you why I ever thought that but I never thought that I could be a teacher. There are many teachers I had when I was younger that I can remember being very influential in my life and now being older I realize that they are all a huge reason why I decided that teaching was for me. I decided that I wanted to be just like them and teach and make a difference to children the way that they made a difference in my life.


      Yesterday was my first time to do "Total-Teach" an assignment that required me to think, act, and become a solo teacher for today. A year ago I don't think that I would have been able to do it. Even last semester I was hesitant to d one or two lessons. So yesterday I stepped up to the plate and taught all day long. I know that I need to work on my self-confidence in the classroom and I need to not second guess myself and take charge of situations, but that is really hard to do in somebody else's classroom. I however have jut about the coolest, most down to earth, and helpful mentor teacher EVER! Not only have I learned from her and gained a lot of knowledge, but I gained a friend!


       If you ever have a bad day and need to be cheered up go sit in a first grade classroom. No matter what you do, how bad you feel you have messed up these tiny humans are so loving and forgiving. When I walk into the classroom I am greeted by 21 smiling faces and hugs and unconditional innocent love. They are also some of the most funny children you will ever meet. For example, the other day my lovely teacher asked the kids to use their imagination and play a "movie" in their heads about what they were reading... in the most serious and innocent and depressed voices ever a little boy walks up to Mrs. Reinhart and solemnly says "Mrs. Reinhart my mind is black!!!!" "My TV doesn't work" he meant every word of it and he was so sad. These are the things I love, the things I look forward to, and the things I will miss next semester. I love getting to watch these sweet babies learn and watch them think and make decisions. I also love to paint and do crafts with them. Yesterday I got to teach a moon project and it was so much fun!!!!
        I love my little first graders and my awesome teacher Jacque Reinhart! I have had such great experiences there and can't wait to see what is in store for me!!!

It was the best of times it was the worst of times...

So this week I decided an update is in order on the Goals for 2014....
Well the 4.0 is right on track with perfect scores on the assignments thus far (although it is still super early) but I will take what I can get. My prayer life is improving and that has made my outlook on life so much better, I am working on my daily bible reading it is by far better than it was but I need so much more. My eating habits well....they are better but can still get better. I have been trying so hard. I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back... it is a work in progress! As for my self image I am getting better at not being so hard on myself, I judge myself more than I should.


I am almost finished with the big room remodel it is looking awesome!!!!! I am so excited to show the final project (pinterest inspired of course ;) ) also I am loving the first grade more than ever this semester! There are about 3 or 4 of these kids I could seriously take home with me!! They are the sweetest most loving kids! I am not going to lie the hugs I get everyday literally melt my stress away! I know now more than ever that I cant see myself doing anything else.


So what's coming up for me well I start taking my certification exams next month and I could not be more nervous, I want to pass these so bad that I have actually studied for them haha stay tuned for the outcome of those tests.


Lastly, I have to brag on my Cooper friends a little bit.... these ladies I work with there are the most encouraging, caring, helpful, and fun individuals that you will ever meet! Jacque, Kassie, Ramon, Jessica you guys are so awesome and I love yall to death!!


~Amanda

First graders and all that implies

Today was the first day back with my first graders. I am so blessed to get to work with some amazing teachers. They invest so much time with me and let me be a part of their classroom and participate. Being with a new class this semester is good because I get a different perspective from a different teacher but I am having to learn 21 new names, which anyone who knows me knows that I am terrible with names, so how do I deal with this you may ask... Well I call them all friend until I learn their name. So right now I have about 5 names down so that means 16 "friends" so all in all successful first day! I am super exhausted because I forgot about all of the energy they had have balled up inside. They are so cute though and I wouldn't trade this job for anything in the world and I love that I made this decision in my education. I feel complete when I am in the school and just know that I can make a difference there. So here's to another semester at school and hope for great outcomes :)

2014 Conquering New Horizons

I decided to start writing my own blog after reading so many others that I thoroughly enjoy. One of which is my lovely older sister Ashley's which is really how I became interested in blogging in the first place. She calls it copying...I call it wanting to be awesome like the sister. This is not going to be one of those blogs that are off the wall, weird, or traditional. this is going to be comical, reflective, and insightful.
Well 2014 has brought about many different thoughts, emotions, aspirations, and dreams to my life. There are many different things I hope accomplish this year. For starters I sat and thought long and hard about what I would want my New Years resolution(s) to be. I normally do not do them because honestly I feel like I set myself up for instant failure hahaha. So this year I decided to set these resolutions as goals for myself so I can hold myself accountable. I decided to set a variety of goals for myself all of which fall in the following  categories: spiritual, physical, relationships, and school.

Spiritual:
1. Study More
2. Pray More
3. Attend more church functions
 All three of these things are important to me because I need to focus on what is most important in my life which to me is God.  I need to start making that top priority in my life starting today, right now, in this moment.
Physical:
1. Start dressing nicer
2. The fixing of the hair
3. Losing weight
Anyone who knows me that if I could be in sweats and a t shirt everyday that is how i would live. no makeup hair in the messy bun and as relaxed if I can be. Well I chopped off the hair, bought new clothes and even invested in new shoes and makeup...shocking I know :) As for the losing of weight I think it took me just getting overly tired and disgusted when I looked in the mirror and trying on clothes. Nothing has ever been more depressing.
Relationships:
1. first and foremost my relationship with God 
2. Next my relationship with my family
3. Bettering my friendships
My relationship with God is something that takes top priority, I need to put that relationship first and then all of the others will naturally happen with some work of course. As for my family I do not spend enough time with them and i need to do more of that and I need to appreciate them more. As for my friends I take them for granted a little too much. i assume that they will always be there and then I wake up and things have changed. I will be changing this.
School:
1. Get another 4.0
2. Complete my masters project
3. I will not procrastinate (as much)
My goal for grad school was to finish with a perfect 4.0 honestly it is just a goal that I want to see if i can do it. It is meant to push myself and push myself to be the best that I can be and prove everyone wrong that told me I could not do this, and who told me that I have taken forever to finish school. Well to them I say I want to make a difference to children and if that means more school then that is what it will take. 

So for now everyone should know that I determined to do things better this year all of the way around. And what a more perfect place to start than in a new bible class focusing on making changes in the New Year. that definitely will help in my spiritual quest. 

~So side note I hope that you enjoy my blog and that somewhere it might provide humor, and maybe some inspiration as well. The title of my blog is Absolutely Amandatory because I want it to be (A)mandatory that i hold myself accountable to my goals :)

~Amanda