It has been a long time since I have updated. There have been several things that have happened since my last post, and I was not fully ready to talk about it all. I have been doing a lot of reflecting on life lately. Sometimes that can be a rough thing for me to do. I have been struggling lately in both relationships with others, and my relationship with God, and my relationship with myself. I have allowed other people to dictate who I am and what I should be.
It amazes me how I could allow other people to tell me who to be or who not to be. I have become so unhappy with myself that I was having a hard time living with myself. I let a once upon a time best friend tell me how horrible I am. Tell me that I will never be with anyone, I am a horrible friend and person, she doesn't know how I make it as a teacher, among other really horrible things. I was very hard on myself. I spent a lot of time crying and pondering on things that in my heart knew were not true, but allowed someone else to infiltrate my mind and set me off course.
It has taken me a long time to become happy with who I am. I am still not 100% sure of myself, but I am refusing to allow people to tell me who to become and who to be. I have taken steps to take back my life. Working out, eating better, and surrounding myself with people who uplift and encourage me. I have not been happy in my own body for several years now and have decided that I am the only one that can change that.
On another note, teaching has brought out the best and worst in me. I love my job and love what I do. The kids that I work with. I have been placed in a position where I have had to step outside my comfort zone and constantly challenge myself. Teaching has brought out the worst in me including my OCD and anxiety (HAHA) there is simply not enough time in the day. There are days that I sit and wonder if I made the right decision to become a teacher. I feel like I do not do everything right and how can I keep going. At times I feel like I am drowning. Then I have that one moment with a student where you get a hug because they figured something out, or they get excited because they pass a test. I am so proud of my students and who they are and am excited to see the people they become.
This year has already given me a run for my money. My focus is on bettering my relationship with God, bettering my relationship with friends and family, and bettering my relationship with myself. I am very happy to have the people that God has placed in my life that have helped hold me accountable and have kept my head above water!
